When I think of being someone who is mysterious, I channel my inner Devon Aoki or Lily-Rose Depp. Laid-back hair, darker tones on the eyes, always your classic pair of sunglasses, and even a baby tee or cami tank with your go-to jeans or mini skirt. As an extrovert, I’m not the type of mysterious that reads at a cafe with her headphones, or the type that hyper fixates on a Norman Rockwell reference. I would say I am more the type to just sit in a room and observe and if I happen to have my headphones on, I would be listening to the Renaissance album by Beyonce, obviously.

As I grow older, my fashion sense matures as well. I went through many stages in my fashion journey and I am now at the point in my womanhood where I realize less on the face is okay, where I realize I don’t have to wear what everyone else is wearing. I don’t have to wear the corset top to parties, I can wear my white tee, signature clean makeup, jeans, and sneakers, and that’s enough. That’s what being mysterious is all about, it’s being able to stand out while not being the shiniest one in the room. It’s about not always trying so hard to stand out just because it pleases others. Screw that, stand out because it makes you comfortable.

Wear the Yankee hat with the dad shorts and platform Converse cause you want to. Wear the dress and the heels to lunch cause YOU want to. Being mysterious is making people want to talk about you because if they are talking about you, you’re being remembered, and that means you’re doing something right.

“We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so weird that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves.”

Joan Didion

When people ask you, “who do you look up to in life?” The most common response is either your parents, grandparents, maybe a friend, or even sometimes your teacher. For me, I look up to my parents, with out a doubt, they helped me become the woman I am today and I am forever grateful for everything they have done for me.

Yet, when it comes to who we look up to in the Fashion and Beauty world, that is a completely different story – no offense mom and dad. It took me almost half of my life to discover what works for my body and my style, and I am still navigating myself and my body through different articles of clothing. Clothing that not only fits my curves, but also fits me, for me.

When I was younger I was surrounded by this idea that in order to “be pretty” or “to look hot”, I had to be “perfect” The illusion of perfection can be overwhelming, both mentally and physically. Perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect skin, perfect smile, perfect body. There was too much perfection, and not enough reflection. Like so many other girls going through puberty and dealing with all of the changes in our lives, I became exhausted with the concept of perfection. The funny thing is that I found, time after time, that I kept coming back to my roots, and what “I” am all about, and not this concept of what others think being perfect is all about. Perfection is non-existent, there is no such thing.

I am a big believer in “everything happens for a reason”, and I believe that I had to lose myself in order to find myself.

I’d like to think that I have, in a way, found myself. I found what I love to wear and what I want to wear. I have found the many gold hoops and necklaces. I have found what makeup looks best on my skin and face. And most importantly, I have found what makes me feel good, what makes me feel beautiful. And, if I am being completely honest, it didn’t take me until this past year to realize that the women I look up to the most in the Fashion and Beauty world, hold even more meaning in my life than ever before.

In many ways, I express myself through the inspirations that surround me on a day-to-day basis. Whether that’s from the women shown above, or from my Italian roots, I use what they have taught me towards what I want or choose to wear. Alexa taught me what it means to stay true to yourself, and not in an emotional way but, in an owning what you got and showing it off through glossy lips and slick back hair way. Olivia taught me what it means to take a risk; to wear what I want and to not be afraid of taking that chance. Rihanna taught me what it means to be fierce, because when it comes to picking out an outfit, you need a fresh and fierce face of makeup to go along with it. A good makeup look is key. Paloma taught me how to be confident with myself- so many times I try to hide behind a big wall of insecurities, but because of the influence I get from Paloma, I now can break down that wall and walk over its shambles. Bella taught me what it means to be free with my mind and heart towards Fashion. When stress and anxiety come through and we begin to worry about what others think of us or our outfits, we forget who we are, but when we find people to look up to, especially in the Fashion and Makeup world, and we start to realize although seem perfect, they are far from it, and we slowly begin to breathe and start again.

Lastly, Sophia taught me what it means to be one with my heritage.

Ever since I was a little girl, I was always fascinated with my Italian roots. From learning how to cook with my aunts, listening to my dad tell stories from his college days in the Bronx and how him and his friends would eat at Dominick’s, or grab a slice at Full Moon, and even get a pastry from Egidio’s Bakery, I loved every second of it. It wasn’t just the stories and the traditions that made me fall in love with being Italian, but the love and culture that followed. I don’t even know if my family realizes how much it means to me. Our Sunday dinners, the pictures and memories we share around the table, the smell of garlic and oil, and the warmth of my aunts arms every time they hug me. I cherish every moment entirely. My mom and dad tend to compare me to Sophia Loren, an Italian icon, who I am in absolute awe of, but it didn’t take until a couple years ago, for me to realize why they were comparing me to her. It wasn’t just her authenticity and beauty, it was also her strength and grace, fierce love towards the people she called family and friend. Hopefully you are taking away from this blog that the women that I look up to, are not just women I want look like, because that would just be toxic if I am being completely honest. Its not the matter of being them but, learning from them, and taking their life lessons to heart.

Until next time, I will leave you with this- Learn from the reflections, not the perfections.

Sii bella a modo tuo

(Be your own kind of beautiful)

Today is January 26, 2022, I am 17 now and this just might be the first time I feel older. Every year my family and friends ask me, “do you feel any different?” or “do you feel older?”, and I always give them the same answer every year, “no”. Yet, this time, it’s different. I know in the past posts I have displayed, I talked about how I am growing mentally and emotionally as a young woman, but this time I feel it. I feel myself gravitating towards the things I love, the things that I am passionate about. And now, as I sit down at my computer with my coffee next to me and my hair up in a clip, I feel all the possibilities and opportunities brushing against my cheeks like warm air, lifting me up above the past and pushing me ahead.

Being 17 means a lot to me, more than anyone really knows. I am at the brink of adulthood or at least I think I am. But, I’ve always asked myself, what will my life be or even look like when I am an adult? We all have dreams, goals, aspirations, yet the unpredictable questions is, will I achieve them? The notion of unpredictability scares me, but, then again life scares me. Yet, I find comfort in knowing that my life will be unpredictable because nothing in life is permanent or sticks to the plan. You know? The plan that our 10 year old selves draw out in marker, on lined paper, with pictures cut out of magazines and newspapers, illustrating where we want to live, who we will be, and what out future will look like. Oh what I would tell my 10 year old self now….

As I continue to grow older, I find myself in a place where I never thought I would be. In the fashion and makeup world, creativity and individualism is celebrated on all platforms. Whether that be eccentric eyeliner, mullets, vests, minimalistic tattoos, or even cowboy boots, there are no boundaries! My main goal this year is to find time for myself and to express my personality through articles of clothing. When doing your makeup, make sure you take your time and just enjoy yourself. So many times we are rushed when taking care of ourselves because we are either running late or our parents are mad at us for taking so long. But, if you make time before, to just sit down, exfoliate and moisturize, while applying concealer and foundation, you will be content. Spending time with yourself is one of the most rewarding activities one can do when stressed or overwhelmed!

When talking about taking time for ourselves, it’s important to find products that are comfortable, affordable, and friendly. It took me some time but, once I found my go-to skin care products, my skin felt alive and most importantly, healthy. My skin care consists of: CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser, The Ordinary 100% Organic Cold-Pressed Moroccan Argan Oil, Clinique Moisturizing Lotion, Glossier Futuredew, and the Glossier Cherry Balm Dotcom.

My final note for today is that, over the past couple of weeks I have found no time to just sit and write. I had all the inspirations around me and for my advantage but, I decided to just ignore it and continue on with my busy life. Losing passion for the thing I love most. But, right now, right here, I am back. I am back to my roots. I almost forgot about the feeling writing about fashion and makeup gave me. That sense of acceptance and security, that feeling of putting on my boots, leather bomber jacket, scarf, and headphones, while listening to my playlist and just being joyful towards the little things. I am coming back from my roots and I am ready now more than ever to be committed to what I love!

Stay tuned…